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Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
Like Tate loves Violet.
And like I love you.



: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim


Skins by: IlliShuhada
Basecode : PikaChan

2017; Birthdays.


I haven't been writing for so long so I thought that I should at least try to make time. I have been working really hard actually to own some money for EXO comeback. Pathetic ain't it? But, I am really looking forward in buying their album so it'll be the first EXO album I bought with my hard work earned money. Being a fangirl seriously isn't an easy thing to do, contributing to our favs is so hard. I even had another twitter account and Instagram account just so I won't be making a mess in the ones I use privately. And that is how I entered giveaway and contests and actually did win some. I need to sort out my diaries and schedules to have a sneak peak of their daily lives, oh my, am I a stalker? I am a very pathetic fangirl and a poor one at that.

My birthday is approaching and it's towards the end of Ramadan, so please God bless me with lots of money and love and everything good. Eid is being looked upon because it's the best season for Muslims, but I can feel that it is kinda devastating this time because I won't be going back to my hometown and I have to work on Eid's eve. Nvm, at least working is nice and I have some cash in my hand so I can buy all the albums and merchs I've always wanted.

I really wanted to write something that I can actually benefit from but the first two paragraphs are just trash and I truly am a trash for this Korean boy group so excuse me because I am an old lady trying to find a decent hobby as she had wasted a quarter of her life trying to figure out what happiness and love means but she gave up and never know it at all in the end. So, she is focusing in her studies and being a poor fangirl despite being hated upon by those who never understand and putting standards on what she is supposed to do with her life. I have read a thread on Twitter about being a fangirl and being successful at the same time, I even in a same whatsapp group with a woman that is in her fifties and still stans EXO, well NO EXO, NO LIFE babe! And I ended up writing about my love for Korean boy groups again without me noticing.

If you can see the date on the picture, it is on my birthday and I know I am a little cute bunny there, oh please compliment me, I am lack of passion these days because I've been tired and couldn't even have a good sleep. My life has been a mess but I guess others have their own problems too so I don't really have to brag about me having works to do since everybody works too kan. To make myself happy at least, I try to smile to everybody that passes me every single time because this is the only thing I can do sincerely without people telling me what to do. So I've actually prepared this draft below just in case I'd be stupid and have no idea on what to write. Look forward to more stupidity of mine lol plus this is again about Kpop but at least the input is quite nice for me to read (I've evaluated myself before you do).

I’m currently reading a #BL comic at I just reached the 30th chapter and it was quite nice actually. BL stands for boy love. Again, it’s gay? What is wrong with reading gay comics? The story line is about an ugly boy who fights society because people sets standard towards others. Just because you don’t have a pretty face and nice personality, people label you. They call you ugly, stupid, and etc. And the other guy who hates ugly people falls in love with one. I dislike how people put label on someone just because it is out of their norms. But somehow it’s kinda true. That’s what people are and people don’t change easily. Unlike them, I am swayed too easily and stupidly being manipulated, that is why I tend to understand the feeling of being left out from a group. Being gay, being black, being an otaku, being slow, I once asked myself, why did God made us this way? It is a sin to turn away from what religion teaches us but sometimes it’s not up to us, it’s fate. And some people just wronged themselves and put the blame on the fate that God written down on them. And then I changed my mind again, if there isn’t any bad people, there wouldn’t exist hell and sin. And why did God create it that way? Because He wants us to learn to differentiate the good and bad. But I am this kind-hearted person that just don’t understand. I just saw the news that a black person was murdered just because he is coppered-skin. So, I want to open up a question, what sin did he do by being born that way? I know it is wrong questioning and doubting God, I believed in Him with all my heart but I want answers. So, I’ll start my research tomorrow and later. And being gay, I swear there isn’t any wrong in being one. I’ll tell you my reasons maybe after I found the answer or if I really intended to defy what is written.

And I am writing now because I want to state my opinion again. I saw some guy bashed K-POP artists by saying that boy group look like girls. To be general, actually it isn’t my concern at all if that boy group isn’t my fandom but they were bashing EXO. So, I am writing this maybe to defend our fandom or just being random again. I like Korean Pop, the Hallyu wave, the countries. I watched every drama, since I was small, I watched all the Taiwanese drama on TV2, I watched Pangako Sa Yo and cried for Angelo, I watched the Indonesian sinetron, I watched Singaporean Chinese movie and I still remember the plot of the story properly, and I have no bias that which country it came from because I learned so much. I know how to speak a little Mandarin and understand when they spoke, I’ve already memorized a Philippines song, and I am really good in speaking Indonesian. What I lived for is to learn, to aim high, and to understand everything. So, I won’t put any biases at all just because you said it’s bad, because that is truly your own opinion and I don’t mind hearing it or reading it, but please mind your manners. This is a free country, a free world of course. But you don’t go running your mouth the way you want it because people have feelings, they have the right be respected. Come on, you misgendering them (calling them girls) and putting a label on them that they don’t do any good, what is your right in saying that? You are a Malaysian, a man at it, talking about Korean people, you made yourself clear, you are deluded. I am saying this because you don’t even know them, you don’t know what they do, and you don’t know anything about them at all, by looking at one single photo of them wearing pink suits, called them girls? You really make me laugh because I felt it really tight in my heart that I need to defend every piece of them because I know them, not personally but they don’t do any wrong for you to call them that. I want to know how Malaysians describe a guy, is it based on his height, or the heterosexual vibe he gave, or by being metrosexual and stylish, or based on penis size ( I wrote this because they posted a picture comparing Asians penis size at that), I am totally speechless because I don’t see them in that way. I don’t mind any guy having problem with their sexuality, because it wasn’t what’s written in your diary of fate. But labelling and comparing Malaysians and Koreans sizes, you don’t really need to do that. I just want to say, that this is all really temporary. This is a phase where teenagers wanted to love someone, everybody goes through it. Like boys do flirt around in their teens and girls having crushes on handsome guys. And now, as a 21 year old not-that-fine-lady, I still want to love handsome guy that I don’t want any attention from it, I want to like them and you can’t never say I shouldn’t do it.

That is why before you speak, you really need to put an effort in your effing brain to only say good things about others. You can have those bad thoughts only in your heart, you don’t go expressing and telling others, ‘Oh, how I hate K-Pop.’ and ‘Ish, macam takde dah lelaki melayu kat dunia ni?’ The main reason why I choose to like those well-mannered gentlemen is because of your words. I’ve despise Malay guys before, I still want to marry a Malay guy if I had the chance, but based on the things that is describing how bad quality they possessed, I have doubts now. I prefer the Korean guy, the Japanese guy, no matter how big or small their penis sizes that you guys said is the ultimatum of being a man. I like their cleanliness, their manners, and their good words. They don’t go saying bad things around people because they were trained to be that way, not I am saying that they were robots but it shows how well they were raised by their family and there family is priority. I watched Malay dramas, the cliché Lofattah and Fattzura, the Malay grudges between family members just because of wealth and money. And you may say that, I don’t really know their culture, then you were wrong. I observed, and I can compare the pros and cons of being a Malay.  That same particular person stated above also replied to a tweet saying that being a Malay is not a disgrace when people started to defend their Korean boy group. It is not wrong being a Malay, hey I am proud to be a Malay and Malaysian on top of that but the way you talk and your language is a disgrace. You don’t go saying babi, bangang, bodoh in public stupid. It’s twitter and everybody is like watching. They have their right to defend those guys because they like them and if I ever insulted the ones you like, wouldn’t you be mad too? So, take time to think. You were shaming yourself.

Learn respect, and respect abnormalities. No matter being gay, or a slut, or a bitch, or being poor, or on top being different from you, people have their own life. I like Troye Sivan and he’s gay, like what kind of life he is living has no connection at all with mine since I like his voice and his songs, I don’t judge him. I like Sia and they said she is an alcoholic, so what? She is human and it’s normal to drink but it’s not good to drink so much, so learn it from her. Don’t put labels on people, you’d be mad too if you were treated indifferently.

Okay, I guess I’ve rant long enough. 

ps: NCT- Cherry Bomb is daebak!


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