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: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: izxarahim@yahoo.com


Skins by: IlliShuhada
Basecode : PikaChan

2017; Byun Baekhyun.

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

I just cried heaps of tears for Baekhyun. It was a very depressing scene. Yesterday was his birthday. I didn’t cry because anything happened to him, it’s just from a drama. Why am I writing this way? I tend to cry even in the happiest of scene, just like when you confessed to the ones you love, to when you realised that she is your girl, or the part where you get married. And I cry too when you are feeling sad, when you were teased from being abnormal, and when you have to die. A story so happy ended up with death is truly amusing. You managed to make me cry, congrats on that. A fragile heart yet I had, to cry to the slightest hurt I felt. I felt like my heart being tugged a few weeks ago when I saw something that hurts me. I felt so painful I had to hold my chest so only like that I could sleep. My head hurts so much I wished that pain would go away. I don’t know when the right time not to cry.  
‘Today, I promise you this; I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. Together, let us build a home filled with learning, laughter and light, shared freely with all who may live there. Let us be partners, friends and lovers, today and all the days that follow.’ < Courtesy to Google.
Promise is a big word. I learnt that in every movies and dramas I watched. You promise to love someone when you get married at the altar, to never fall apart. You promise to care, and love like there is no end. You promise to care like a friend and whenever I need you, you would come to be by my side. You promise to always be someone who I can put my trust in. You promise me with a smile concealed to it so I believe you with all my heart. I learn the word promise from a song, to hold hands and walk the path together. And this word promise is what I held so dearly to myself. I promise myself, that I will make things better, I promise to make my life better, I promise to start loving myself properly. And I love the song form Nsync too, This I Promise You. A promise I really believe in is when I saw you smile and ensure me that everything will be just fine and I won’t regret trusting you. And the promise I really wanted was to know that you will never let go even things are hard for you to carry and till death do us part and the promise will stay in heaven.

I really felt like I need to write something good but I don’t know how good it can be and how good can people accept it. Lol, like anybody will read this damned blog anyway. I am being so s/h (as in semi hiatus) on my ig like I won’t post any new pictures but I’ll only update my ig stories. It’s always been that way actually but I kept on denying the given facts. But, since I’ve changed my profile picture and my bio and I won’t be posting any pictures and I’ve been deleting a few, I am gonna be deleting my official Instagram maybe in a few more weeks or month as in, I’ll post a picture for Hari Raya and then I’ll delete the account for real. But, people I really know and care about follows my backup account which had more pictures on it but, that too will vanish in no time. I had no time to update pictures and had no time to entertain having an ig account but there is this one account I’m on which I made to follow only ig shops that sells Korean stuff that I am interested in buying. Other than that, sorry I had to. I am actually tired of trying, to stalk people, to like people’s photo. And when people asked, ‘eh, don’t you see my picture and updates on my Instagram or twitter?’ I’d always say no, I am sorry. I stopped doing useless things. I had this thoughts that I shouldn’t show off my life and let’s make people wonder how I am living. Some may know, some may not. I’m not making my life as a mystery (if that’s the word for it). I am only making my life private. Oh, speaking of private life. Why don’t I block all the followings and just private my Instagram and no one will know how my life is? That is a thought too, but instead of making my life miserable, having an account with a username that everybody else can use and making my phone lag because of an app that I didn’t use, its better having none of it :)

This explains so much perhaps. And I didn’t deactivate my twitter account. People can still contact me thru there but I won’t be replying or do anything with it since it’s logged off. Send me emails instead, I’ll reply everything in one whole paragraph and send sweet notes to you too. I have two emails, one for school and work (?) and one for my Instagram, twitter and entertainment misc. But, I prefer to use my official email again because it’s a priority to answer important things and if I don’t reply, you’re just an unimportant person to me, sorry not sorry. Nobody fucking cares Izzati. *Sigh, I think highly of myself, sorry for this.* But in case, I’ll be changing my number too soon since it is such a nuisance for having one number for all time since I was in school and I don’t actually save anyone’s number, I often find myself curious of who sends me texts and this one time I had a call from a courier service, I didn’t pick up, I got 10 miscalls while I am staring on my phone not knowing whether to pick up or not I ended up sending a message asking who that is and use my mom’s phone to call that person back. Oh, I really don’t save people’s number. I had only 50 contacts which are important to me like my parents’ and classmates’ and some ig shop that I really wanted to keep ordering things from again. I’ve save all my gamelan squad number like 30 of them and end up I deleted them in an instance because I’ve quit and have no intention on talking to them at all and I don’t even remember their names and their faces. Sorry I am being difficult.

I’ll be deleting everything related to me and let’s communicate through emails and letters. It’s fun the old way, where having YM! is a trend and sending letters with powder is nice. Plus, I had no friends at all to actually text me or anything. That is why I want to stop doing things that makes no sense to me. It’s actually a waste of time thinking about other people that doesn’t even want me in their life that is why I took all this efforts to be still and acted like I never existed.

That is all from me and here’s a binary code for you to decipher. Thank you.

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Ps: I won’t be deleting this blog and here’s a list on ways for you to contact me.


Not a list actually. Just my email since its official or you can DM me on twitter too, it sends notification to my email too so I’ll maybe reply to you there. My phone number and ig account is a secret and I had no intention on sharing it here. Feel free to find a way to contact me but if there is nothing important, just don’t. I won’t entertain any of it.

Okay, thank you.

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