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Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
Like Tate loves Violet.
And like I love you.



: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim


Skins by: IlliShuhada
Basecode : PikaChan

2017; memories.


I promised not to write during finals but I just can't. This is not a bad thing, I just feel like I need to talk to anything. I've been talking alone now and then and smile so hideously to myself, I can imagine my face that way. My dad's been calling me a few times recently asking me where I want to study and what do I want to learn and I said I didn't even make up my mind yet. Of all people who had registered for their degree, I haven't. I still linger around and lazed on my bed like nothing important is going to happen. I will be having a major breakdown in a few days since I couldn't go to EXO's concert but nvm I already prepared myself for that I won't even on my phone I'll be sleeping the whole night and then act like nothing ever happen oh did the war just ended or is there an alien invasion I'll be stupid throughout the day.

It's currently 4 am and I am crying and I think I just lose my mind. I have a presentation tomorrow morning and lord knows how swollen I am and will be tomorrow. I'm not crying because of something real, something I can touch but it hurts the most knowing that death is an inevitable thing. How can at one time I thought that God can be so cruel to people around me? How can He make happy things gone forever? How can He kill all those hopes? Don't He have pity on us? At one time, I blame God for making me suffer but I hate to admit that I begged Him too to give me the happiness I think I deserve. I cried wishing to the stars to save all the people in the world. I hate to know that somewhere far away people are dying, I hate to see the wars on tv, but I hate myself the most for not changing. How can I live my days thinking that happiness would come where else the people are suffering. Ya Allah, save them please I beg. I once thought of ending myself but now all I can ask is for me and all of us to have a tomorrow. For tomorrow to exist, for another tomorrow, for another one, forever tomorrow I beg you.

I've been reading and got so immersed in it and now I ended up crying like a baby. I cried for something that isn't even real but haven't I told you that I love to appreciate efforts. I cried for people who work so hard knowing I couldn't work like that even for myself. While I'm reading about the anterograde amnesiac person, I started to beg that this doesn't have to end. It is hard to read since my tears and snots won't stop coming out, I started begging for god to take away the pain and please give them the chance to at least have another tomorrow. I can't live knowing that such person existed, how I would like to blame God for creating a very difficult path for them, I would like God to rewrite their path and not letting them be sad. I want to be there wiping his tears and say I would always be there for him. I want him to be happy surrounded by daisies and I would like to run with the sands in our feet and never let go of his hand. I wouldn't want God to end the love that I tried so hard to build and not forget the times we spent together. I want him to remember me even though he forgets every single time he woke up. I'm going to hug him and say I will never forget you, and we'll make new memories forever and live every moment like there's no tomorrow. I want to at least be there to comfort you and I will never let Him take you away from me. I beg to God and even my bones broke off, I would never let go off his hands. I love him so much that I wouldn't want anything in this world to hurt him. I want to build a home with him with daisies and sunflowers around us and be together until we die and even after death I would want to hold his hands. I am crying like crazy now that my heart even makes a sound saying it hurts and I have to beat my own chest to stop it from hurting.

To you the one suffering, I will never let go. I swear to you that no one would hurt you anymore I am here for you till the end of time. And I prayed that even if I die, I would let you die first because I know you wouldn't be okay if I'm not beside you. I want to see you off, to let you know that everything's alright once you found peace. I don't people to take you for granted just because I am not there. I swear I would never leave your side. I will beg God, to make you happy even through your suffering, I know it's painful but please be strong. I hate seeing you cry, I hate to think that anything is wrong with you, I hate to know that it is wrong for me to pity you but I will always love you. So, don't forget me, write me down in your pages, remember me by reading, stick all those notes on your wall, I am here begging God for our little tomorrow that you will wake up remembering me and say my name in a very soft tone and say you love me. I hate the path and fate God made for us, but I couldn't stop begging Him to not make it stop.

I am on the verge of ending my life every time I could think about it but I couldn't help to let those who said they love me down. I am going to live my life until I am sure that no one needs me anymore. I want to devote my life on people I cherish but knowing that life is so short I beg God every time I could to at least let me love someone without regret. I want to see him smile I swear his smile is the most important thing in life right now. I am sorry for letting you down but I really worked hard on begging Him to let me live and if I could, I will say repeatedly without regrets that I love you every single second I have.
Open the door, say my name, and say you remember me. I will be waiting. -the one waiting. 
I promise you that I will make you happy even in heaven.


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