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: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: izxarahim@yahoo.com


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Basecode : PikaChan

2017; Finals.


Assalamualaikum.

Do you ever feel like you are useless? Like none of the things in life you've done matters at all. Well, I am feeling that way right now. Oh, yesterday I accidentally saw my friend's twitter profile and I thought like wow, she is so blessed. That's what written on her bio. But as I go in deeper, I started feeling insecure. And then, okay lah, instead of continuing stalking, I decided to stop. But, it's getting worse since I can't forget about her. Aigoo, she is like so lucky and okay, I started planting hate onto myself. Because I can't stop thinking about her life, how I wish we can trade life, I had that thought in my head, I told myself stop it, you don't fcking care pun, but then still think about it lol.

By writing this, I hope I can at least feel better because I started writing to ease everything. Maybe I should start writing a novel but I won't, it takes a lot of energy. I remind myself, I am so going to make it better (my life). Just you wait. Please have patience Izzati.

And then, have you ever felt the urge of crying so sudden? I don't know how many times I've asked this question, but I felt like crying. And it is so sudden, I started slamming the door, I started putting my music to the max volume, I started to hide the blush I felt in my face, I started to feel the ache inside of me, I started to blink so fast so that the tears could be cleared. And then I stop doing everything. All I want to do is cry and shout so hard under my blanket but since there's people and it's broad daylight, I should just stop. Plus, the songs on my playlist can be any better help, all sad songs and I hate my playlist and i hate myself. Until at one point I don't understand where it'd all begin, I searched it online about the whys and hows.

I help myself stand back up. I make myself busy, I clean my room, I throw all the unimportant things, I change my bed sheet and thinking about cutting my hair really short for a new beginning. Okay, there is one tradition where you cut your hair short after a heartbreak, not necessarily after break ups, it's just like making it short means making it better. Changes within oneself, since you may need hard work to slim down your body, to make your face pretty, one simple change is just to have a haircut. I cut my hair really short before, like so short but still cute (hah, boy-cut lah senang cakap) but then the guy I like said, he likes a girl with long hairs. It is hard to make your hair grow. I haven't have a proper haircut after he told me that, just a little trim at the end to make the hair grow longer. It's been 2 years I guess but my hair isn't getting any longer. I like my hair but when it's becoming something so hard to live with, maybe I should just cut ties with it. Maybe I'll have it cut next month. A new beginning. Maybe my burden gets lighter, my heart becomes healthier. Read the article about haircuts > HERE.

It's my finals. Some of us, entered a different place while I'm still stuck here. But, let's face it here. My life isn't as fortunate as theirs but Izzati please be grateful. I won't reply to any whatsapp, messages or answer any calls (only my family), I also won't be on Instagram (reply to any DMs or making stories), I won't be writing here, only twitter to ease my heart a little by reading people's stupid stories plus I'll be staying up late really often then. Wish me luck and please send some prayers I need them. Thank you :*


p/s: Divide is a very good album. Please hear to all the songs, it makes me happy and I hope you'd be happy too.

Ciao.

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