Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
Basecode : PikaChan
The First; Dream.
I swear to myself, I'll be going far away one day. But, maybe I have to hold it in for a while. Because I still feel the need of my family by my side. It is hard making decision when you know you can't stop thinking either to go away or to stay.
I just attended my cousin's wedding two days ago. I'm late for the akad nikah, that's why I couldn't capture the moment of them being married. I couldn't grasp the atmosphere where the moment it's done, the dad will be so sad. I've witnessed my other cousin getting married before but somehow I only saw the dad's love towards her daughter, you nasty bij daughter better appreciate your father please. It is so effing hard to do a wedding. I kept repeating, 'maybe I won't live long to even get married' and 'I wouldn't want to get married' and 'This is all so hard I don't want to get married'. I am doubled-minded whether to get married or not. It's actually nice having soulmates and everything but the pressure wouldn't be the same as the thoughts. Maybe I'll let all my cousins pass me and I'll really get married later than every one of them. I told my mom, 'Mak, on that day, I get married, I don't want you to do anything, I want you to just smile for the guest, I'll hire all the people in the world to do my wedding and you won't have to do a single work'. Even to makngah, 'Nanti makngah takyah basuh pinggan, periuk ni semua'. I want to marry a very rich guy whose gonna pour all his love on me (and his money too). I want all the happiness in the world for my family. I won't even bother to find mine as long as everybody's just fine with all this.
But some thoughts have been messing with my head. I've been thinking so bad that even sleep won't come. It's hard to sleep at nights where everything starts to state the truth. That maybe all my dreams are impossible to achieve. Maybe all these talks would mean nothing. Maybe all these courage I've been building up will all broke down. But even when I told my mom, 'Akak boleh punya lah.' I know it's hard to make it possible but I swear to God, I'll try making things better starting from today. I promise I won't fall down. I guess it's not my head, it's my heart. Lillahitaala, I've been in my worst places before but the thoughts of losing someone, seeing people bleed, having no one to be here, where should I turn to? It's true Allah's hears everything but it's so damn hard having no one to trust and to talk to. I'm good at giving advices to people but it broke me to pieces to even have to cry to sleep. I want to talk to someone who understands but there's no one.
The pressure is on me. I just want to go home and play the piano. I want to learn new songs. I wanted to be home so badly. Let's save up money Izzati. Let's learn new things. Let's make all the impossibles happen. From now, please find courage in every tears you cried. You know you've had to do everything yourself. Dear God, please protect my family form all harms and let them live a hundred years more. Aminn. I want them to be there with me in all my happiest moments on life. I want them to be there when I get married, when I had all my kids, I want them to die with me. Just please.
Please just understand the lyrics. I wouldn't ask you to care anymore or anything, if in case you did came here to know about me, (I'm not hoping actually) but if, please have this song a listen. It's a very nice song, maybe you would love it.
Secret lover : Hariz Azmi