Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
Basecode : PikaChan
I am mad + sad right now and I am supposed to be studying but I couldn't since I just finished watching a drama and my finals is in a week time. Let me rant out my problems. I've been crying so hard this past few days and my head hurts like hell after that. And I couldn't sleep at all these nights I had to wake up late for it. I had to open my fucking hurting eyes because I really wanted to be that educated woman that one day everybody can be proud of. I really wanted to study, I starved myself because I hate being sleepy after eating. I wanted to rest, I really wanted to but I need to study. So, I put my priorities of studying rather than to stay alive.
But these coding are fucking hard to understand I had to watch this drama to help me relax but it didn't. I made me mad and I cursed all the characters for being bullshits. I fucking hate a guy that made promises and then for someone else, he would break it recklessly. Fuck you for that! I was so immersed in watching this drama because I know how hurt it is to be in that situation. I hated the other guy before this because I thought he was cruel, I thought he would hurt others, I thought he would hurt her too. But I was wrong. The one who left her with her hopes on that you would come and protect her just betrayed her that is so fucking crueller than the other guy. Her eyes were glistening full of hopes. She wanted you to save her. She wanted a reason to still be alive. And the moment she was down on her knees, you decided that you had to do something else for your good. What is the meaning of being a king, a ruler, if you couldn't love the one you wanted? What is the meaning of being a guy if you couldn't protect the ones you wanted? If you said you love her, why don't you give up the throne and be with her? Why don't you wait for her? Why can't you change the rules for her? Now I have to see her with the other guy that I don't even like. You said after everything finished, you would run and settle down with her somewhere far. Why didn't you do that? Why did you have to run in front of her? Why are you being such a coward?
Even if I said I love you, would you still trust me even if I've done so much wrongs than right? Would you torture me if I am being reckless with my own life? I risked my life just to be perfect in front of others. I held myself so high so that you won't have to be disappointed in me. Because I believed in myself, I believe that after all this hardships, I would be with the one I want, I will have what I wanted, I will do what needs to be done. I wanted to believe that after all this, there is something I can be happy with.
Somehow I had once wished I would die. I told Hani, I feel like killing myself so many times. But then, I realized that I need to be strong for other people too. Why do I have to be strong for others if I am not strong myself?
In case you're reading, please be well. I hope you are doing well right now. And please hear to this too, try to understand what am I trying to tell you through this.
This is the fucking scene that made me cried so hard I fell like dying right now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRoY-SAZAQY
Secret lover : Hariz Azmi