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: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: izxarahim@yahoo.com


Skins by: IlliShuhada
Basecode : PikaChan

K.


Assalamualaikum.

I'm in a bad mood lately. I tend to cry whenever I had time. I cried because Lee Chong Wei got second. I cried because of a petty Korean drama. I cried because I had nothing to do. I cried because of a song that I put on repeat. I cried myself to sleep. It's like a routine now.

How weak are you gonna be Nur Izzati?
"If you live your life without greed, you'll be happy." -Joon, 2014.
I'm being greedy again I guess. My heart wants everything that I know I couldn't get. But everyone was being unfair to me. All the K-dramas are showing off, all about the poor second lead character not getting the female lead. And it hurts me most, that two people in love decided to be selfish. They decided to leave each other because they don't want the other to be hurt. Why on earth do you have to show that to me? Isn't it just fine being with the one you love? Why do you have to torment me like this? I said to myself, why are you so greedy Nur Izzati? If you know you couldn't get anyone, why do you even want to try? Why is the world being so cruel? Even Huda, had someone else already to remind her everything.

I laugh my ass out every time I wanted a break. I don't want to stay this way forever. I hate keeping all my feelings inside. I pity the ones I told my stories too. I'm good at telling Huda to tell Allah every time she is hurt, but I myself couldn't get up after heartbreaks. And lately, there are people asking me, 'ada pakwe tak?' I selfishly said no. Why do I have to hide the truth that I wanted you to be here and comfort me. Why am I being so strong in front of people. Why am I being the only crying and hurting?

I wanted to wake up happily and read up messages saying you'd love me again thru the days. So, I'd be happy and not think when is it gonna rain again. I can bear the hurt but at least leave me with something that I can remember you with. At least a nice word to say you won't forget me in everything you do. I lied saying I'm okay to those people. And every time I deny that I've forgotten you, there is always something else that makes me cry harder at nights. I'm being strong but what can I do to forget the pain that I'm holding? Loving you wasn't a regret at all. I do love you and I still love you. But the part where you left me so hanging just makes me think that it's unfair for me to handle all this alone.

You came to me nicely, saying you like me. And then you left me, asked me not to bother you again. I guess you're happy now not having me a part of your life. And I'm the only one having this stupid feelings. It's painful to bear all this alone. I wanted to go home and sleep so tightly that I don't want anyone to wake me up for anything. After all this ends, then wake me up so I won't feel the pain again.

I hate myself so don't talk to me right now.
"I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer."   — Tucker Max

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