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: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: izxarahim@yahoo.com


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Basecode : PikaChan

A year.


Assalamualaikum. 

Not knowingly, my phone alarmed me of today's date. I've set it to remind me of every 14 there is on the calendar. It wasn't so nice having a date to remember but no one to celebrate it with. 

A few days ago, I went to an acquaintance of mine punya bilik, fuh susah nak susun ayat bahasa inggeris ni. Yelah, muet pun band berapa je. Tak berjaya langsung. I went there to take a few dramas she had since I had no more dramas to watch but all I got from her was just anime. Then a topic about boyfriend popped out from nowhere. She said lah bla bla bla and then, 'kau mesti takde pakwe kan haha.' I asked her back, 'Ingat aku ni takde orang nak ke pe?' Marah ni marah huhh. But I don't care. Takde pakwe ke ada pakwe ke buatpe bagitahu orang. 

A year had changed a lot of things. The way people acted, the smile they once had, the leaves that turned golden brown, the pictures that's burned, the countries they went, the bed sheets that's left empty, the seasons that went by, the memories that faded, come one tell me what's left in our soul? The way I had my year was bitter-sweet. I had fun with all my friends, go chill and had pizzas, sleep through the days and never bother to do our assignments, things were nice before. Except there's a hole. A hole in my heart that was filled with love and kindness just empties itself and then there's no more love I could give to people. Ever had to meet someone new, I'd hold back and said to my heart, 'just what's wrong with me now?' 

I'd scroll thru my ig at nights when I can't sleep and there a tons of quotes about loving oneself, loving others, loving the whole world, about moving on, about building families, about relationships, about hella everything. Oh I just want to screenshot everyone of them and just send it you so you'd know how I felt all this time but I guess you just don't bother. And every sad song reminds me of you. You can say, 'tak payah lah dengar lagu tu kalau buat sedih je.' Because after all this time, you don't even cared. I love you to the part I let myself cry every time I miss you. It was easy for everyone to say, 'Lupakan dia.' Okay, I'll try, try to satisfy what others want. I long to text you, to be good to you, to talk to you, to hear your stories. Maybe then I'll be happy but if that didn't make you happy, what could I do. 

Every tears I held back in because I hate seeing myself stressed out with all my problems but tell me how to forget someone. If it was as easy as falling in love, then I'd be the happiest person and I won't rant all this. I don't want to fall in love with someone else's favourite person. I don't want to fall in love with someone that doesn't love me. I thought this time would be different. Tell me just what did I lack? I cared too much until you fed up with me. I'm a kid too much that it burden you. But help me, trust me for once, I didn't want to fall in love in the first place. Just tell me the steps I need to take to stop loving someone so hard. If half a year isn't enough to let go of him, just make time go backwards again and I just don't want to know him because it hurts so much being without him. I don't want to know him, love him, tell those stupid stories with him, I don't want to fight him, and I don't want to lose him like this. I am a loser. 
I have always love you. I loved you through it all. - Love, Rosie (2015)
Happy 14 Hariz Azmi. Happy 1st Anniversary. Wishing you all the happiness in the world. If there is no more happiness in the world for you, then take mine because all the happiness should go to you. If there is anything left in me, then I'd give you all the happiness I could give to you. Happy 14 sayang. I love you. 

Assalamualaikum.

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