Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
Basecode : PikaChan
Assalamualaikum Hariz Azmi.
I've been wanting to write and every time I pressed my keyboard, tears came streaming down. I know you were online. I know you read all my texts. I know you're not okay. Please know that I'm not okay too. I wanted to hug someone but there was no one. Every time I wanted to tell someone, I remembered you said, 'Orang lain boleh bagitahu, dengan saya nak berahsia.' I know how hurt you were when you weren't the first to know about me. And then, I told you everything so that you're the first to know it all. I just couldn't hurt someone I cared so much.
I promised myself not to text you. I've been crying since then because I am forced to do something I couldn't handle. I asked Allah to keep me going. I never wanted to be weak. I even switch off the lights so that Aqilah wouldn't see me cry. Trust me it's so painful. I've been keeping myself happy, smiling for you so that you wouldn't hate me. I went out just now to cry by the stairs so that no one would see the weak side of me. I just wanted to shout out to the world, I hate myself!
Aqilah said 'takde pape tu' because she can sense how desperate I am trying to reach you. I wanted you to answer me. Tell me everything. What happened? What did I do? What can I do? I'm crying so hard right now under my pillow praying to God not to burden you something you can't bare. Last three night we had a fight, I'm sorry for everything. Only then I promised myself not to hurt your feelings anymore, you hurt me with your greatest pain, Hariz Azmi this is not it. How could you just make one decision to leave everything behind when you know my life was devoted to you? My eyes was so painful that I wish I'd go blind. I'm praying that Allah helps you in every path He let you choose.
Wallahi, I love you with all my heart hoping when I'm 28 you would come to ask me marry you. The way we planned our future so perfect that even I'm scared God won't let us be together. I started to doubt if Allah just granted me in your life to ruin you, to led you to Jahannam. I'm sorry. I never wanted to have this feeling the first place. I asked Allah if this time that feeling would stay. I've been uttering Allah's name to have mercy on me and you and let us be together not to hurt each other. Dear God, please help me. You know how I don't have the strength to say no to every feeling that comes.
Maybe, I'll punished myself for letting my heart love someone so much and doesn't know the meaning of giving up. This is the last message to let you know that I love you so much Hariz Azmi. I won't rant on my blog anymore, my twitter too. Let's just stop time. I want to always be this way. I wanted you to love me sincerely as the first time I started letting you in my heart. I wanted to stay the way it was 14th of July. I wanted it to be perfect. I don't want to move on. I wanted my little dream of having you to stay floating. Let little Harraz and Hannan to always exist. Let me believe that Hariz Azmi would always be mine.
O Allah, please ease Hariz's problems. Please ease his heart. Please let him know that if Allah love him, I would put the same amount of love as Allah could give him. O Allah, give strength to him, let him be happy. Dear Hariz Azmi, if you could hurt me, I prayed that Allah give you the chance to be better. To always grant you the best you deserve. In the name of Allah, I would always love my Hariz Azmi till the day I die.
Secret lover : Hariz Azmi