Find someone who will love you through your weaknesses and wonders.
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
: Izzati Rahim
Basecode : PikaChan
A short escape from the real world. Today may be Saturday, a rest day, an off day. But you can never switch off your emotions. Hm, talking like this because I've been in a very bad mood recently.
The water supply had been cut off since there is something that needs to be repair at the main source where the hell is it I don't know. There is a need of water for us human to survive you should know that. And I need to drink, wash my fucking clothes, need to fucking shower. The hell is wrong with this world?! You stated in the notice that the repairing is only for a day and now it's been 3 days and I just can't stand it anymore. I need to fucking take my shower you cunt!
Hm, then, it's hard to be patient. I tend to shout at people. I tend to be so emotional. I can't be control. The fuck is wrong with me?! Have peace please Izzati. Everything doesn't seem right. One thing that can make me so angry is people who you thought you can rely on them shuts you in your fucking face and backbiting. People can be so annoying at times. It's true, you can never run from mistakes but learn please. You were never perfect yourself. Pretty but hmmm, I don't describe people. I don't know how to 'gelar orang', kalau mencarut tu boleh lah. I tried to play nice but then the people I least expect to talk behind me was the person I put much effort on appreciating her. I don't care if you want to talk about me with your friends but then I knew about it, don't you know how hurt it is? It's always so painful if people talk about you in front of you and behind you? Go to hell with all this friend thing if you only benefit them for your own good. I know certain people can worship you because you're good, you're kind, you're clever but it is up to me because I judge you based on the attitude that you showed me. I've been facing this problem since high school, when the need something then only they'll find you or else they will never know you, talk to you, or even look at you. Fuck I'm so emotional!
Then, I know I'm never good in anything but please just one time look at me trying to do something to you, look at my effort, look at my work, look at what I've done, appreciate the hard work please. It's hard to please people. It's so hard until I felt like I've gave up on life. There is time I thought about quitting but then I remembered that only a loser quits. 'Izzati, people quit. They fall. They cry. They bleed. They sigh. They run away. But they rise. They learn. They know. They improve. They work hard. They try harder. They succeed.' So, Izzati, can I fall? Can I cry? Can I stand back again? You don't see me try hard, all you know that I smiled, I laughed, I played and you judge me, you labelled me 'budak bermasalah'. Pehh, it hurts you know. Who doesn't learn?, who didn't try?, you don't know how hard it is striving to be better than others and you do is belittle people, you look down on people, you don't open your eyes don't you? I beg you, see! Look! All my hard work, all I do is rely on you to teach me, I'm not the one who had their father as software engineer to fucking teach me how to learn all these that you taught me, I'm not the kind that can learn from others because all they do is confuse me and say 'sorry, I don't know too'. I focused in your class, I wrote down notes that they didn't even bother to jot down, and then they borrowed mine and learn from it. See? I do my best in learning and all you can say in every class is, 'Izzati, awak takde kerja lain ke?' Izzati, awak dah siap kerja ke?' 'Izzati, awak kena ke kacau orang lain.' I tried to help people, I try to teach them, I try to get better grades and then you say 'Perlu ke awak tolong dia sedangkan awak punya tak siap lagi, awak tak nak markah takpe.' It hurts. You're the one who scolded me so doing wrong and then you talk about me in front of me saying that I give up too fast. You condemned me before seeing at my work.
The people around me is so fucking frustrating. Tell me now, who can I rely on? If I depend on myself, all my head says is 'Just quit Izzati!, you know you were hated, you know you won't be any better, you know yourself, you know all these are not worth at all.' But then, I look at my parent's picture and my heart says 'Izzati, they want you to be better. They never teach you to quit. They are only hoping on you to make everyone's life better.' I'm not that strong as a person you think I am.
Secret lover : Hariz Azmi