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: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: Izzati Rahim

: izxarahim@yahoo.com


Skins by: IlliShuhada
Basecode : PikaChan

2017; Cancer.


Hi, assalamualaikum.

I just cried. Again. Because of cancer and love. Can you just imagine the one you love had cancer? Well, I felt that before. I know I've update this blog yesterday, but this struck me again. I'll update everytime I shed my tears. I've been reading. Of course, I read as a living. Can everyone just stop making sad stories? This time I'll continue my fanfics recommendation because I just read this sad story that I think I should share.

1. 27th of October.

“I want a lifetime with you”- Baekhyun to Chanyeol.

I read this fic while listening to Still In Love by Jason Chen on repeat. It was a very fun story at first. Well, about happiness you share of course. Starting from the very first moment you met, to the day you like someone, to the day you confess, to the day you came back, to the day you leave forever. 5 years loving someone so dearly and in the end a promise you made just broke by the word death. I did some research of course about this cancer and it didn't cause death but I still cry because he died (other reason). Well, who likes the word death, come on someone tell me. I am scared to lose, this is my biggest insecurity. I've lose so many things and it started on the day I was born. You may not know, but I was shocked knowing it too, and when someone ask me each time they look at it, it hurts me the most. I won't tell you about it, hell no.

Cancer is a big word to me. I cried so hard just because of that word, oh how I wished I could be a doctor right now to cure all those people. I had this thoughts before, since I was kid, why do people have to suffer? I know suffering is different to everybody because they had their own definition on it. I just want everybody to be happy and smile back at me everytime I smile at them. In this small mind castle, I've always imagine good things, I want daisies and sunflowers, I want people to smile, I want the animals to talk to me, I want to learn to fly, I want to be a unicorn. It's corny saying this things because I know I am not living in fairy tales but I couldn't help to think about it. Istg I want everything to be fine.

I love dates (read: time and date < this kind of date). I cherish birthdays because that's the date you were born, I cherish anniversaries because it's when you have this bond, I cherish every date in my whole lifetime. I was born on June 22nd, I had my last relationship from July 14th, I had my last break up on December 6th, I had made a promise to myself to get married on February 14th. Well, I am good at remembering dates you know. And this story evolves on the same date, different year. Did I ever mention about promises? Sigh, I want to say this, don't ever make promises with me, because I'll find you and claim back that promises. Promise is a thing you made vows of, and because I conceal every promises with my heart it hurts me so much if someone breaks it.

The highlight; date, love, cancer, marry, death. A very complete with a little bit of everything. Have you ever dream of waking up beside the ones you love when you're old? I did, I want to wake up to you, I like forehead kisses, I want to still cook you breakfast, tickle you until you wake up, and hold hands whole day long. I am imagining the impossibles again because I may die because of heartbreaks. I am happy when I know all the people that are in my life before is happy, I truly am. Can people just stop shoving me with your happy endings on all the socmeds since I am dying here with something that is beyond my grasp?

After reading this, there's a sequel and the other main character's POV. You should read it all so that you know what the f happens. I haven't sleep all night and I need to go to the dentist. Read it well and don't cry. 

"Regret and death are inseparable. And forever is just a word.
When one breathes his last, there will always be that someone who will feel remorseful because of the unspoken words that will never be heard, the unexpressed feelings that will never be considered, or the moments that haven’t transpired but have long been planned.
That someone will always regret not telling, not showing, and not doing. But what else can that someone do than to lament on the things he didn’t do? Maybe because people always wanted a forever and believed that they can be with the ones they love because forever is always there. They slack off by not showing affection; they hesitate on telling what they truly feel because they fear rejection; they forget important dates because they know they will be forgiven but sometimes, sometimes they purposely do this because they have a couple of years to accomplish, to change, to tell, to remember, ----- maybe, they forget that forever is a fiction and not a fact.
How many people have been tricked by the word forever?
Forever isn’t real but why would people choose to hold on that string labeled as forever if they can grasp a hand and take a leap of faith? Because it is funny how people will always – always regret and will always – always blame forever if love fails. And it’s also sad, how people only learn the importance of the people they love if they are permanently out of their lives – it’s more saddening to know that people will only realize that forever isn’t real if they experience it firsthand.
Forever, death or regret - What if you will be given a chance to choose one? Will you?"

Assalamualaikum.

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